Elsa Jean: The Uber Blonde of Porn

JUST THE FACTS:

Born: September 1, 1996
Birthplace: Canton, OH
Height: 5′ 3″

RECOMMENDED IF YOU WANK TO:
Blondes, Short Girls, Beach Babes, Reverse Cowgirl

WHY SHE’S A JOYWANK FAVORITE:

“Jean worked at both a grocery store and at a Starbucks prior to beginning her career in the adult entertainment industry as a stripper in Washington, DC. It was during her work as a stripper that she received the nickname Elsa, after the Disney princess of the same name. She first started performing in explicit hardcore fare at age eighteen in June, 2015.”^[1]https://www.imdb.com/name/nm7531728/bio

Fruitshake: “There always seems to be one blonde porn star who is the uber blonde of adult film and currently the uber blonde is Elsa Jean.”

Smoothie: “She’s only five-foot-three? I always think I’d have gotten more girls in college if I had tried to date short girls.”

Fruitshake: “Why didn’t you?”

Smoothie: “I felt like I had a height advantage that was unfair.”

Fruitshake: “Height advantage? Did you think girls would be in awe of you because you were five inches taller?”

Smoothie: “Right–it was ridiculous. I was practicing an ethical principle that wasn’t based on reality and wasn’t even particularly ethical. It was like a self-defeating empathic misunderstanding.”

Fruitshake: “I was about to say. Yes, what they call a SDEM. AKA pussy excuse for your loser-dom.”

Smoothie: “Fuck you, Fruitshake.”

Fuzzy Tweedlow: “You guys stop fighting! Listen to this: Joanna Angel once told me that so many porn stars are short because they are failed models. Girls who wanted to be fashion models but they weren’t tall enough.”

Smoothie: “Hmm… Things that make you go hmm… Joanna is short, right?”

Fuzzy Tweedlow: “Yes, but she is a towering figure in the industry. But what about Elsa Jean?”

Smoothie: “Says here that she has only two tattoos: a grey rose on her right shoulder and colorful roses on her left hip.”

Fruitshake: “I have no grey matter available to dedicate to the memorization of porn star tattoos.

Fuzzy Tweedlow: (with Anderson Cooper voice) “BREAKING NEWS: On November 17, 2021, Elsa announced that she is retiring from mainstream porn.”

Again thank you to everyone who has supported me and shot me❤️ I love you all so much. I look forward to your continued support through my fan sites. pic.twitter.com/ITqVvPD7es

— Elsa Jean (@ElsaJeanxxx) November 17, 2021

Smoothie: (tearing up) “It’s the end of an era.”

Fruitshake: “It’s the end of an end, a beautiful rear end! She’s not retiring, though. She got married this summer to some lucky Irish dude named Kevin O’Brien.”

Smoothie: “Conan’s brother.”

Fruitshake: “You know that for a fact? You know how many O’Brien’s there are in the Northeast?

Smoothie: “I’m going with my brother of Conan theory. Conan got the great sense of humor and Kevin got the big Irish dick.”

00:19 Fruitshake: “She says she loves being petite, loves being a ‘spinner.'”

00:19 Smoothie: “Yeah, she exercises on a stationary bike. Spin class, you know.”

00:21 Fruitshake: “No, I think it means she likes being able to be spun around easily during intercourse.”

01:36 Smoothie: “Is that what a student apartment looks like in Miami?”

01:39 Fruitshake: “Who is that dude? Looks like a young David Arquette.”

01:45 Smoothie: “She’s really tan in this clip. I like how it contrasts with her bright blonde hair.”

05:13 Fruitshake: “I like the way she slurps, but I could use more eye contact in this shot.”

07:27 Smoothie: “Really hot when she looks back at the dude during doggy style. He ought to give her a thumbs up to let her know he’s having fun.”

08:04 Fruitshake: “Reverse cowgirl! I like how his pale legs contrast with her tanned ones and the pastel walls in the back.”

08:14 Smoothie: “That’s why you majored in interior design!”