Fruitshake is a little low on the jackson green lately so he’s dipped into his huge collection of authentic porn memorabilia and we are honored to be able to preview some of the items from his upcoming garage sale/auction.
JOHN HOLMES DICK RULER (circa 1973)
You may know him as John Holmes, or John Duval, John Estes, Big John Fallus, Big John Holmes, John C. Holmes, John Curtis Holmes, Johnny Holmes, Bigg John, Big John, John Rey, Johnny Wadd, John Sacre, Long John Wadd, Johnny B. Wadd, Johnny the Wad, John C. Wadd, The Duke of Wadd, John Foot Long, Wadzilla, King Wadd, The Human Tripod, Wizard of Wadd or The Sultan of Smut. These are real aliases! [1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Holmes_(actor) Whatever name you called him by, he was the king of 1970s porn. You are bidding on a genuine wooden 36-inch ruler John used to measure his johnson on set. The measurements themselves have, unfortunately, never surfaced. Let’s start the bidding at $18,000 cryptocoin.
WELCOME MAT CONSTRUCTED OF RON JEREMY’S PUBIC HAIR
You’re bidding on a one-of-a-kind rug created in the 1980s by a neighbor of the now infamous porn star Ron Jeremy. She arranged to have him give her his pubic hair whenever he shaved his testicles over a ten year period. She dyed and dried them and wove them into this beautiful, sturdy welcome mat that will look great outside your front door! Weatherproofed. $213,000 cryptocoin
BAG OF BUSINESS CARDS GIVEN TO STRIPPERS
These are genuine business cards given to strippers at clubs all over the United States by car dealers, liquor reps, catalog salesmen, funeral directors and others foolishly thinking they might get a call from their favorite dancer. Collected and sold by the same company that took torn stamps from ambassadors all over the world, repackaging them for sale in stuffed orange bags for stamp-collecting kids in the 1970s, these time capsules of desperation are no longer available for purchase at your local Big Lots store. Fruitshake has ten unopened bags and will not part with them for less than $5000 cryptocoin each.
BOX OF VHS TAPES, MOSTLY DUBS OF ANABOLIC VIDEOS
This box of 30 VHS tapes includes content dubbed from Anabolic features and miscellaneous other material. A now defunct pioneer of gonzo porn, some of Anabolic Studio’s most popular series include Anabolic Penetration, Balls Deep, Sweet Cheeks, Nasty Nymphos and The Gangbang Girl. Fruitshake got this box from a late uncle who would stick tapes at random into his VHS machines, so a typical tape may include two minutes of gonzo action, then a local TV car ad, six minutes of CNN footage, then four more minutes of a different gonzo film, followed by footage of Uncle Ray’s 2003 birthday party. All tapes are mislabeled and some have tracking problems. Get it all for only $6000 cryptocoin!
BEDAZZLED SIDEKICK CELLPHONE, ONCE OWNED BY JENNA JAMESON’S PERSONAL ASSISTANT
Stolen by some rat punk the night of the 2006 AVN awards show in Las Vegas, this piece of aughties porn history eventually found itself in a pawn shop on the Vegas strip. Pawn shop owner Okie Daughtery claims this was owned by legendary porn actress Jenna Jameson’s personal assistant, who escorted Jenna to the 23rd AVN awards show, at which Ms. Jameson was inducted into the AVN Hall of Fame. Fruitshake bought it as is and has kept it in a double-zip plastic bag, ensuring that this masterpiece of early 21st century phone culture is covered in the DNA of a wealth of stars who were there the night “Camp Cuddly Pines Powertool Massacre” won five AVN awards. No SIM card. $26,000 cryptocoin.
References
| ↑1 | https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Holmes_(actor) |
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