Most of the submissions to our Porn Star Poetry Contest have been pretty bad. Here are some of the worst:
GINA VALENTINA
Gina Valentina
Rhymes with concertina
That’s all I got
— Rufus Conrad, Pittsburgh, PA
KENZIE ANNE
Kenzie Anne wears the Penthouse key
A key that unlocks pleasures
Whose names I cannot spell
–– Eric Snodgrass, Coyote Bluff, MT
LITTLE RED ENGINE
I once was the little red engine
Now I live on a modest pension
I once did six loops a day
Did boy/boy too
But I’m not gay
Everything you’ve heard is true
In fact it’s even worse
My ex-wife would get so sad
She’d cry into her purse
I once knew a guy named Steve
He’d pose nude for a bag of weed
His money shot was quite impressive
You’d never guess he was manic depressive
Everything you’ve heard is true
Don’t stumble at the gate
Get your fill of teenage rear
Then stare into your plate
— Fuzzy Tweedlow, Wilmington, NC
GIANNA DIOR
Gianna Dior, my cock is sore
From jerking off to you
So lithe and exotic
You know how to rock it
But I can’t keep up with you
Fortunes will be spent
Trying to get inside your tent
Glamping on the coast of Bali
Arab Princes will buy your digits
While you buck all night with a rigid,
Penniless cowboy you met at a pharmacy
And Gianna Dior, my cock will still be sore
From jerking off to you
— Jimmy Valentine, San Angelo, TX
ANGEL NAMED JOANNA
There is an angel named Joanna
A well-inked angel
Short of stature
But huge in the industry
A feminist
An innovator
An anal sex entertainer
Jersey born and Brooklyn-based
Until burningangel.com made her famous
Kinfolk said you could be a millionaire
So she moved to porn vall-ee
San Fernando Valley that is
And in a decade became a legend
There is an angel named Joanna
A well-inked angel
Short of stature
But huge in the industry
A feminist
An innovator
An anal sex entertainer
— Rufus Conrad, Pittsburgh, PA
